


equinox

by i_was_human



Series: lit fic week 2020 [1]
Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Survival Show, Angst, Fainting, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Occasional fluff, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25700521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: winning a show and winning someone's heart are two different goals.funny how minsoo can't really do either.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Lee Minsoo, Kang Dongho | D.Min & Lee Minsoo, Kim Daehyun & Lee Minsoo, Lee Minsoo & Lee Minsung
Series: lit fic week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882828
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	equinox

The day Minsoo gets accepted into the autumn season of Produce 365 is also the day his life starts to fall apart.

The announcement comes just days after Minsung loses the final of the summer season - his slot in the final group lost to a plucky guitarist named Daehyun - and he's still understandably upset over it.

So, really, Minsoo choosing to announce his acceptance as a trainee to his family was quite poorly-timed.

After all- there's one spot left in the final group, and it's for a dancer. He _had_ to try out.

And yet- 

when his mother finds out, she chases him out of the kitchen with a wooden spoon, and tells him he has two options.

He can either reject the acceptance and remain a part of the family-

or accept it, and be disowned.

The night before he has to choose, he hops on his laptop to look at the winners of the prior three seasons.

Kang Dongho - the Ice Prince, winner of winter. He won his season not only for his rapping, but also for his untouchable beauty and unwavering determination. 

Ahn Jaewon - winner of spring. Not only did he win his season for his visuals, but he's also one of the kindest people Minsoo's ever seen - not to mention his willingness to help anyone who needs it.

Kim Daehyun - winner of summer. The youngest of the three, with an ethereal voice and a great sense of humor - as well as insane guitar skills.

In some way, Minsoo feels like he doesn't measure up. After all, if Minsung lost, then what chance does he have?

But he should shoot his shot nonetheless, right?

It's better to try and fail than to live a lifetime of _what-if_ s. 

And yet-

the consequences are _so high_ for just trying.

That just means Minsoo has to win, right?

(he doesn't have another chance.)

* * *

His parents throw him out the day he tells them he accepted the offer.

There are only three days left until the show, so he crashes on a friend's couch, trying to pull together whatever semblance of normalcy he can as it slips through his fingers.

He texts Minsung before his parents disconnect his phone - mostly apologies and explanations.

It lasts a day before his older brother blocks him, and that-

that _aches_.

He thought- he thought Minsung would be okay with this. 

He _hoped_.

He _hoped_ Minsung wouldn't turn Minsoo away like this, _hoped_ their bond meant something to him.

(hope is a dangerous thing to have, and an even more dangerous thing to lose.

this, minsoo knows well.)

In his free time, he researches whatever he can about the other winners, and picks up obscure bits of trivia that do him absolutely no favors. His friend is concerned over his choice - what few eggs he has are all in one basket, after all - and he waves off his concern, trying to ignore the howling voice in his head that screams the same.

( _"this is a mistake! you're going to lose, and you're going to be homeless and die on the streets!"_ )

Losing isn't an option.

He has to- _has to win_.

All his eggs are in one basket, and it's one he's going to hold onto as tightly as he can.

The show will be better, he thinks, staring at his reflection.

It has to be.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, the show doesn't go very well for him, either.

As soon as he survives the first round of eliminations, rumors start spreading - rumors that he's only here because he's Minsung's brother, because the fans are angry, because if they can't have Minsung, they might as well have the next best thing, right?

And that _rankles_.

Minsoo _never_ tried to piggyback on Minsung's popularity - never _would_ \- but as is normally the case with rumors, they don't go away.

He's not a favorite to win - not by a long shot - but he'll be damned if he stops trying.

(and maybe there is some truth to that - some truth he isn't privy to.

he hopes not.

god, does he just want _one thing_ that isn't tainted by minsung. one ninety-two that isn't a failure in comparison to a one-hundred. one achievement that minsung hasn't done better.)

He's unpopular among the other trainees - mostly due to the rumors - and after he makes it into the final twenty-five, a group of four lure him into the closet and lock him in for the entire day.

That-

he doesn't like to think about that.

He doesn't like to think about the mice running around on the floor, about the tiny teeth gnawing at the legs of his pants, about the way he screamed and begged and nobody answered, and he had to wait until someone needed to pick something up from the closet and _happened_ upon him-

it doesn't matter.

He doesn't- he doesn't need to be friends with these people. 

Once he wins, things will get better.

They have to get better.

* * *

Family Day is as hellish as he anticipated.

They're down to the final ten - and _god_ do the other nine hate him - and everyone else flits around with their families, introducing their parents to friends and showing them around the dorms.

Instead of texting his brother or parents, Minsoo heads to the dance studio.

At this point, the laminate floors are more his family than his biological one, so it's easy enough to skip lunch and dinner (and avoid the other trainees) to spend time there.

He's not sure how long he stays there, but at some point, the lights flick off, leaving him to stand there, chest heaving and face barely lit by his phone.

He has to win.

He's in the final ten now. He _has to win_.

He...

he doesn't have a backup plan.

His family won't take him back, he knows - not after this slap in the face to their preferred son. He can't stay with his friend.

Other than that, nobody gives a flying fuck about him. 

He looks almost ghastly in the bright light of his phone - a living specter - and that _really is it, isn't it_?

Now, Minsoo isn't an actively suicidal person. In fact, he wants to live _really fucking bad_.

But somehow, he knows that if he doesn't make it through this show, he'll probably end up dead.

He has to make it.

He knows that, knows that as much as he knows he has nowhere to go if he doesn't.

 _He has to win_.

There's no other option.

* * *

The night before the finals, a group of trainees corner him in the practice room.

Minsoo recognizes them - they're some of the ones eliminated between twenty-five and ten - and he only has one moment to wonder what they're doing before the tallest slams him into the mirrors, one meaty hand grabbing a fistful of his collar and hoisting him off the ground.

" _Please_ ," he gasps, already aware of what's about to happen, but one of them digs their fist into his gut, and he chokes on his pleas.

It's not fair.

It's not fair, he thinks, a choked-off scream escaping his throat as one of them digs their fist into his gut. It's not fair, he thinks, gasping for breath as the tall one loosens his grip, letting him fall to the floor in a sad, pathetic heap.

It's _not fair_ he's always held to the metric of Minsung.

The other trainees think he's coasting on Minsung's success - and that he's only here to compensate for the fact that Minsung lost to Daehyun. The press amplifies those rumors to disgusting effect, and Minsoo's sure Minsung must know.

He doesn't care, then.

Now, Minsoo didn't have any delusions - he knew Minsung would hate him for this.

He just hoped that he could be bothered to tell everyone the truth.

But instead, he's remained silent - keeping mum when Minsoo most needs him - and it _aches_ , worse than the bruises over his ribs and back.

There's nobody out there for him.

He claws his way back to his feet, swaying slightly as he stands. Exhaustion weighs him down, and he swallows hard - raking a hand through his hair as he stares at his ghastly reflection.

He has to sleep before the finals tomorrow.

(it feels undeniably like the night before an execution - and, minsoo supposes, it is.

tomorrow decides his fate, one way or another.)

* * *

The first time Daehyun looks at him, Minsoo knows what he sees.

He looks enough like his brother for it to make a difference - the same nose, same eyes, same fire in his grin - and Minsung was far from kind to Daehyun when the cameras were off, no matter what the company says. 

"It's nice to meet you," Minsoo says anyways, warnings of his own incompetence trapped behind his teeth. "My name is Lee Minsoo, and I hope we can be friends!"

Daehyun looks at him like he's seen a ghost, and Minsoo shifts awkwardly, unsure of _what,_ exactly, he can say. 

"I'm not my brother," he lamely states, and that doesn't seem to do a thing for Daehyun's nerves. "So..."

 _"Don't look at me like that,"_ he doesn't say. _"Don't look at me like I'm him."_

"Who's this?"

Dongho pulls Daehyun back, dark figure filling most of the space, and Minsoo isn't _small_ , but even _he_ feels petite under the force of Dongho's glare.

"Lee Minsoo," he smiles, offering a hand. "It's nice to meet you!"

Dongho stares at him, eyes narrowed, and Minsoo tries his best not to wither under the imposing man's gaze. 

(he doesn't _say_ that minsoo's done something wrong - and he doesn't have to.

they all know all too well why minsoo's standing here.)

And _god_ , as much as Minsoo wishes he could say it's some kind of mistake-

it isn't one.

He's here to compensate for Minsung.

That much was made abundantly clear.

"It's nice to meet you too," a soft voice murmurs, and Minsoo nearly gawps as _Ahn Jaewon_ reaches forwards to grasp his hand, lips curled in a gentle smile.

(is this why they say you should never meet your heroes? minsoo feels like he's about to explode _now_ , never _mind_ being in a _group_ _with him_ -)

"Jae-yah," Dongho warns, and Jaewon drops his hand, taking a step back.

And, well-

wasn't Minsoo so foolish to expect this would go any better than the rest?

* * *

He doesn't bother unpacking his things.

In a way, it feels like he's standing under the shadow of a shoe - coming down, down, down - and it's _going_ to fall, but he doesn't know _when_.

They're going to kick him out at some point, he knows. Why bother pretending otherwise?

(he can handle it. he's been making contingency plans, storing granola bars - he'll be ready once they tell him to leave.)

Staying at the dorm is the worst - it already has signs of its other three occupants in every room, from Daehyun's plushies on the couch to the photos in the entryway that let him know in no uncertain terms that _he is not welcome_ \- and the atmosphere isn't any better.

It's in the room he shares with Dongho that it's the worst.

He's normally a messy person, but since he keeps most of his things stored in his suitcase, it isn't much of an issue. Logically, he _knows_ Dongho wouldn't yell at him over this - it's his room, too, at least for the moment - but he doesn't want to risk this razor-thin peace they've found. 

(that is it - trying to keep this is like treading on razor wire. it cuts his feet and stings to no end, but he at least has somewhere to stand.)

They ignore him, and they go out without him, and _that's okay_.

Really.

(it's not. minsoo's a social person, and he is so terribly lonely without anyone to talk to.)

Still - Dongho's side of the room shows signs of being lived in. It's perfectly reflective of its occupant - a bookshelf pushed against the wall and polaroids on the walls - and a part of Minsoo envies that.

(temporary, he reminds himself, the piece of paper taped to the inside of his suitcase. this is all temporary. he's going to have to leave sometime.

as much as he doesn't want to.

someday soon, someone's going to point out the nepotism, someone's going to point out the _truth_ , and he'll be called in for a meeting where the ceo will tell him they're sorry, but it just isn't working out, and he'll be out on the streets with nothing but granola bars-)

Work harder.

Work better.

(cling to this spot as hard as you can and don't let go.)

* * *

Throughout it all, his one constant is the practice room.

Things don't get better with the others - in fact, Minsoo would go as far as to say they just get _worse_ \- and the laminate flooring of the practice room is the only place he feels worthwhile.

And yet-

he can't keep up with that either.

Logically, he knows this isn't _entirely_ his fault - they're pushing all of them harder than they've ever been pushed before, and he's seen Daehyun cry over his voice cracking more than once - but he feels like he should be better.

He _has to be_ better.

It's the naive part of him that thinks practice can fix everything - that if he just works _a little bit harder_ they'll all like him. 

That his _skill_ is the problem, not something else.

(not the omnipresent axe hanging over his head, not the razor wire he treads, not the nepotism that stinks in his shadow-)

For all Minsoo claims to believe in fate and destiny, a part of him _despises_ the idea of something being out of his control - _especially_ something like this. 

So if he can't control everything, he'll just control what he can.

And for a while, it looks like it's working. Their instructors yell at him less, Dongho looks at him like he's a particularly annoying spot of grime on a plate rather than the scum of the earth, Jaewon gives him small smiles when their gazes meet in the mirrors, and even Daehyun strikes up a conversation with him one day about the new _Nintendo_ game.

It's nice.

There's only one problem with this.

Minsoo's _exhausted_ \- the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that comes from months without proper sleep - and as each day creeps by, he finds it harder and harder to resist the siren's call of sleep. 

He just has to make it through this (to some undefined point a part of him knows is never coming) and it'll be okay.

One day at a time, right?

(the added bonus of avoiding the dorm doesn't hurt, either.)

But _god_ , he's exhausted. It's the loathed "group practice day" and he's already been yelled at numerous times for his sloppy footwork (footwork he just has to practice harder) and he just wants to _stop_.

The manager calls for them to get back into formation, and the world swims before his eyes as he stands, water bottle forgotten by his feet.

He's so tired.

So, so tired.

* * *

Contrary to popular belief, Dongho doesn't hate Minsoo.

He prefers to think of it as _wariness_ \- because as much as Minsoo acts otherwise, the risk that he might be like Minsung is too high to let go.

(daehyun still has nightmares of people laughing at him, still has nightmares of black hair and a twisted smile-)

That never made it to air, but he has no doubt Minsoo knows.

Although-

can it really be justified as wariness?

Even after Minsoo proves he isn't like Minsung, Dongho still tells the others to keep their distance.

Why?

It's a combination of things, he decides - chief among them _resentment_. Minsoo all but had his place in the final group handed to him - not out of talent, but out of something bordering on nepotism. 

He wasn't the best dancer in his season. Dongho knows it, the judges know it, and based on the way he acts, Minsoo knows it, too.

It's not fair to the other trainees, Dongho knows. Others - the tiny but skilled Taeseok being chief among them - would be much better suited for the group than Minsoo.

He allows himself to acknowledge it _is_ resentment coloring his view, but he doesn't address it.

Today's another dreaded group practice day - _everyone_ hates group practice day - and Minsoo's already been scolded at least ten times over parts they should've perfected already.

Honestly, it's enough to drive Dongho insane.

They're taking their places for their next run-through when a shriek rings through the practice room, and Dongho wheels, because _that's Daehyun_.

And yet-

Daehyun isn't the one who's hurt.

No-

instead, _Minsoo_ lies on the floor, eyes shut and limbs limp.

For a moment, nobody moves.

"Someone call a medic!" one of the managers shouts, and Daehyun drops to his knees by the dancer's side, brushing locks of sweaty hair out of his eyes.

"What- what's wrong with him?"

Dongho snaps the fuck out of whatever dazed stupor he found himself in and crosses the room, pulling Daehyun back from Minsoo's unconscious form. 

What just happened?

Jaewon joins them, crouching by Dongho's side, and the trio simply watches, mute with horror, as a medic places an oxygen mask over the dancer's nose and mouth. From this far away, Dongho can see the unhealthy pallor to his skin and the dark circles under his eyes, and some rebellious part of his heart twinges at the sight.

(he doesn't care he doesn't care _he does not care-_ )

"You three have the rest of the day off," one of the managers tells them, and Dongho glances at Daehyun, only to realize the singer is trembling. "Go relax and come back tomorrow ready to work, okay?"

Somehow, Dongho feels like he's actually telling them to go to the corner and think about what they've done.

* * *

The atmosphere in the dorms is nothing short of _dismal_ , and Jaewon and Daehyun immediately retreat to their room, leaving Dongho to stare at the white walls of their home.

Just looking at the dorms, he thinks, you could be mistaken for thinking MAYHEM only has three members.

There's proof of the other two - Daehyun's plushies on the sofa, some wrapped in Jaewon's fluffy blanket, because _of course_ the visual would want to make sure the plushies didn't get cold - and proof of Dongho - a play script sits on the table, dog-eared and bookmarked to hell - but nothing of Minsoo.

Then again, Dongho supposes, whose fault is that?

His room (his _and minsoo's_ room, as much as he might forget it) is more of the same. Minsoo's side is completely bare, the only thing differentiating it from a hotel room being the rumpled sheets on his bed, and Dongho frowns, unsure of what, exactly, the problem is.

His phone buzzes with an alert, and he fishes it out, staring at the message on-screen.

It's from their manager.

_MAYHEM Manager:_

_Minsoo's staying overnight at the hospital for dehydration and exhaustion._

_He won't be at practice tomorrow._

_Get some rest and take care of yourselves._

Manager Choi is one of the nicer people Dongho's met, he must admit, so it's shocking how much the text reads like a reproach.

 _"How could you let this happen?"_ Choi doesn't say, but Dongho knows that's what he means. _"How did you not notice?"_

And to that-

Dongho doesn't have a satisfactory answer.

* * *

When Minsoo wakes up, he's alone.

This isn't particularly surprising - it's a coin toss as to whether or not Dongho or his alarm will wake him up for practice - but what _is_ surprising is the pervasive smell of antiseptic.

White walls, white sheets, I.V. - _fuck_ , he's in a hospital.

He stares blankly at the ceiling for a solid ten minutes before a nurse notices he's awake, and the entire time they're asking him questions - name, age, date, _how do you feel?_ \- he's thinking about how disappointed everyone must be.

This must be it. They'll see how much of a failure he is and kick him out, and he'll probably starve to death on a street corner-

"Minsoo-yah?"

Minsoo jolts upright, the motion nearly ripping the I.V. from his arm, and he flails wildly at the sight of SHC's _CEO_ staring at him with kind eyes.

"A-Ah, CEO-nim-"

It's a bit difficult to bow with an I.V. in his arm, but Minsoo tries his best.

"You should be resting," the CEO frowns, and Minsoo stares at him, slowly lowering himself back into the pillows. "Now, Minsoo-yah- what happened?"

"I didn't drink enough," Minsoo repeats - the excuse bitter on his tongue.

"No, I mean-"

The CEO frowns for a moment, and it strikes Minsoo as fucking hilarious - their CEO, sitting in a tiny plastic chair by his bedside, _asking him how he's doing_. 

He must be in the Twilight Zone.

"What happened to you on the show?"

Minsoo blinks at him, bewildered. "Huh?"

"I saw real potential in your interview," the CEO states, and Minsoo's heart twinges at the memory.

They were doing every season's interview at the same time, and Minsung had shoved him on-stage, lips curled into a teasing grin. Minsoo smiled back at him, and he danced, and he watched Minsung sing, and after that, they went out for ice cream.

"What happened?"

He can't know.

If he knows Minsoo's family kicked him out, he'll do the same for sure. 

(a part of him reminds himself how juvenile that sounds, and another part of him can't be bothered to give a fuck.)

"Nothing," he lamely replies, and the CEO stares at him, visibly unconvinced.

"I want to trust you, Minsoo-yah- but I understand if you want to quit-"

Minsoo's never moved so fast in his fucking _life_.

"Quit?" he gasps, hands flying up to gesticulate wildly. "No, no, no-no-no- I don't want to _quit_ , I don't- I don't _want_ to quit, I can work harder, please- please don't make me quit."

Wow, that was a word vomit.

Nice fucking job, Minsoo. 

"I'm not making you do anything," the CEO states, a sort of grandfatherly smile on his lips. "I just want to know what's happening."

Minsoo bites his lower lip, gaze falling to his hands. "I can't... I can't tell you."

"I need to know, Minsoo-yah."

Of course.

Minsoo swallows, gaze never moving from his jagged nails. "...okay."

He relays the entire sad story - from the day his parents kicked him out to his collapse in the practice room - and by the end of it, the CEO looks... odd.

There's an emotion on his face Minsoo can't quite place, and his gaze falls back to his nails, tracing their jagged ends. 

"It won't affect my performance," he lamely states, well aware that it's little reassurance in the face of overwhelming evidence of his incompetence. "Just... please don't kick me out."

" _Kick you_ -"

A ragged exhale. "That's not going to happen, Minsoo-yah."

Minsoo doesn't understand.

"Have you told your members about this?"

Minsoo shakes his head, all words flying out of his head, and the CEO sighs, something bordering on exasperation coloring his tone.

"I think you should consider it."

He stands, readying to leave, before he turns back, a calming smile on his lips. "And for what it's worth - we didn't choose you because of your connection to Minsung-ah. We chose you because we thought you'd be the best fit for the group."

His shoes click on the floor as he leaves, and Minsoo stares at his hands, the world blurring in front of him.

(it's not from exhaustion, this time.

no-

this is from tears.)

* * *

When Minsoo gets back to the dorm, it's silent.

And-

it's nice, kind of.

He trudges back to his and Dongho's room and collapses in bed, passing out as soon as he hits the pillow.

It's nice.

(he still doesn't unpack his suitcase.

he knows they said they wouldn't kick him out, but somehow, he can't quite believe that.)

He doesn't wake up when the door opens, doesn't wake up when Daehyun and Jaewon lean in the room, doesn't wake up when Daehyun presses a plushie in his hands or when Jaewon drapes his fluffiest blanket over his shoulders. 

He doesn't wake up when Dongho stares at him, something close to regret shining in his eyes before he crawls into his own bed. 

He _does_ , however, wake up to the smell of pancakes.

Of course, that's not what really wakes him.

No - that honor goes to Dongho, who takes a step back after rousing him, something indecipherable in his eyes. 

"Hyung?" Minsoo mumbles, groping blindly for his phone. "Wha'... do we have practice?"

"No," Dongho states, and Minsoo blinks at him, pulling his phone off the charger and staring at the time. "Daehyun-ah made pancakes."

Minsoo stares at him, bewildered, and Dongho shifts, something Minsoo's hesitant to call _awkwardness_ filling the air. "He was wondering if you wanted some."

Oh.

"Sure," Minsoo edges, slowly sliding his phone into his pocket. "I'll be right out?"

"Okay."

There's an awkward moment where they stare at each other, neither one sure of what to do, before Dongho strides out of the room, shoulders drawn ramrod-straight, and Minsoo-

stares.

It's paradoxical - Dongho's been the one most vocal in his dislike for Minsoo, and now he's inviting him to eat with them?

Minsoo doesn't understand.

* * *

After Minsoo heads for the dance studio - he has to catch up on what he missed, and the instructors are _merciless_ \- the rest of the group gathers in the living room, one shared goal in mind.

After all-

they never did watch the fall season.

At the start of the show, Taeseok's the clear front-runner - bright, bubbly, and cheerful - and Minsoo's barely present, mentioned simply as _Minsung's brother_. From what little they see, though, he's outgoing - though it doesn't amount to much in the end.

As the show continues, Minsoo withdraws further, the effortless charisma they'd seen snippets of in the beginning replaced with cold desperation. All of the trainees are desperate, yes, but Minsoo-

he dances like it's the last time he'll ever step on-stage.

The funny thing is, he's not a _bad dancer_ , contrary to what the netizens think. He's not the _best_ , maybe, but he's definitely not bad.

And yet-

he's not the best. 

So the question remains: why was _he_ the one chosen to debut with MAYHEM?

He dwells on it for a moment, letting himself zone out, and the answer hits him like a slap in the face.

 _Balance_.

That fiery drive they saw in the early stages of the competition, the charisma, the _explosiveness_ of his personality-

it's exactly what their group needs.

Dongho and Jaewon are both fairly sedate people - Jaewon more than Dongho - and Daehyun, for all his extrovertedness, feeds off others. They're a low-key group without someone to fire them up, and the judges seem to think that could be Minsoo.

Huh.

Put like that, it makes sense.

And yet, that doesn't explain one key issue.

What happened during the competition for Minsoo to withdraw this way?

* * *

Minsoo toes off his shoes at the door, gaze flitting to the clock on the table.

 _2:26_ it blinks back, sad LEDs barely visible even in the dark room, and he sighs, raking a hand through his hair.

God, he's tired.

"Minsoo-yah?"

Minsoo shrieks, swinging his bag at the person on instinct, and the light flickers on, revealing an unimpressed Dongho.

That is to say, an unimpressed Dongho covered in water from Minsoo's water bottle.

There's a long moment where they stand there in silence, Dongho grasping Minsoo's sodden bag, and Minsoo's nearly positive he's about to die.

"You're back late," Dongho finally states, and Minsoo's not entirely sure how to break it to his hyung that this is _kinda early for him_ , so he doesn't. "What happened?"

This is so fucking surreal, Minsoo thinks - standing here, with _the_ _Kang Dongho_ , who's not only holding his bag and dripping wet because he spilled water on him, but _asking about his whereabouts_.

Surreal. 

Minsoo probably died on the practice floor. There's no other explanation. 

"Minsoo-yah?"

"I was practicing," Minsoo finally replies, slowly tugging his bag out of Dongho's hands. "I normally practice after everyone leaves."

"Why?"

"I need the extra practice."

 _Fucking hell_ , Minsoo, _why would you say that_?

Dongho stares at him for a moment, and Minsoo shifts from foot to foot, a part of him yearning for _sleep_ but another part of him in hysterics at the fact that _Kang Dongho is voluntarily talking to him_.

(normally, people _get the fuck over this_ , his brain unhelpfully reminds him, and he cheerfully tells said brain to shut the fuck up.)

"You're doing fine," Dongho states, and Minsoo's sure he must be gawping.

Because _what_?

"Um," Minsoo flails, "thanks?"

Dongho nods, quick and jerky, and there's another moment where they just stare at each other, neither one willing to make the first move.

"...I kinda gotta get to my stuff-"

"Oh, yeah."

* * *

" _Hyung_ -"

Arms wrap around his waist, and Minsoo fucking _shrieks_.

"Sorry!" Daehyun shouts, immediately throwing his hands in the air. "Sorry-sorry-sorry!"

Minsoo spits his toothpaste into the sink and sucks in a long, slow breath, trying to calm his racing heart. "Ah," he manages to state, "it's fine."

Daehyun looks oddly apologetic, and Minsoo places his toothbrush in the holder, giving his dongsaeng a reassuring smile. "Really, Daehyun-ah. What's going on?"

"I need you to hide me," Daehyun whispers, and Minsoo blinks at him, bewildered.

"What?"

"I spilled coffee on Dongho-hyung's annotated copy of _Macbeth_."

" _No_ ," Minsoo gasps, and Daehyun nods, climbing into the shower like a fucking spider monkey. 

" _Hide me_."

Minsoo nods, jumping in behind him and flicking on the faucet.

And okay, maybe not one of his better ideas.

"Hyung!" Daehyun shrieks before Minsoo clamps a hand over his mouth.

" _Ssh_ ," he hisses, and it's not a moment too soon.

" _Kim Daehyun_!"

Oh, boy.

He can hear Dongho storm through the dorm, and he bangs on the bathroom door, nearly causing Daehyun to shriek. "I know you're in there!"

"What?" Minsoo calls, pressing a finger to his lips. "Dae-yah isn't in here!"

Dongho lingers for a moment, sighing heavily. "Let me know if you see him."

"What did he do?"

"...tell you later."

"'kay!"

Minsoo and Daehyun hold the position for a few minutes more before the elder switches off the faucet and pulls open the curtain, snagging a towel from the rack to rub Daehyun's hair dry. "Jesus, Dae, was it just the one book?"

"It was signed," Daehyun sheepishly replies, and Minsoo sighs.

"Just tell him it was an accident. He won't be that upset."

"He sounded upset," Daehyun points out, and Minsoo sighs once more. 

"He might be upset, but wouldn't you be? He won't hold a grudge forever. I mean, he's talking to me, isn't he?"

"That's... that's not the same."

(somehow, minsoo knew that.)

"I know," Minsoo laughs, trying for levity, "but c'mon - have a little faith in him!"

Daehyun stares at him for a moment, silently judging, before the door slams open.

" _Dae,_ " Dongho hisses, a dripping book clutched in his hands. "Why didn't you _tell me_?"

Daehyun pales, and Dongho groans, chucking the book on the table and grabbing Daehyun's wrist.

"C'mon. Talk time."

"No!" Daehyun whines, though Dongho drags him out of the room regardless. 

_Talk time_?

* * *

"Talk time," Jaewon laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Wow, I never thought I'd get asked about that..."

Minsoo stares at him, hands wrapped around a cup of something-or-other, and for a moment, Jaewon's shocked by how much this feels like an interview. 

(he then hates himself for the fact that this is only an interview because _they decided it had to be._ )

"It's basically when Dongho-hyung sits you down and stares at you until you talk about whatever it is that he sees as a problem, which is usually an actual problem, so it's fine..."

Something flashes in Minsoo's eyes for a moment, and Jaewon doesn't have to be a genius to know what it is.

_(why didn't he talk to me?)_

"He's also very bad at approaching people."

Jaewon inwardly kicks himself - because Minsoo _knows_ that isn't the truth. "I mean as _Dongho-hyung_. Not as D.Min. He doesn't do emotional conversations."

Hence the staring.

"He's intimidating," Minsoo laughs, and Jaewon nods.

"Yeah... but he's really a softie, I promise."

"A thistle plant?"

"Hm?"

"If you just touch it, you get pricked," Minsoo states with all the confidence of someone who spent a full day researching a useless piece of information and is delighted that they finally have an excuse to use it, "but if you grasp it, it doesn't hurt at all."

"Um... yeah?"

That's... actually fairly accurate.

"Is that true?"

"Eh, probably."

* * *

"You're here late."

Minsoo nearly shrieks as the voice rings through the room - and as it is, he trips, sprawling to the floor in an undignified heap. 

_Ow_.

"You okay?"

Dongho's crouching by his side, dark hair pushed back from his face and fox-eyes narrowed in apparent irritation. 

Oh, boy.

Nice job, Minsoo.

"Yeah," Minsoo winces, rubbing his knee. "Just tripped."

"You feel up to walking?"

Oh.

He's not upset.

He's _concerned_.

"I can manage," Minsoo grins, stumbling to his feet. "Why're you here so late?"

"Meetings," Dongho simply replies, eyeing Minsoo for a moment before seeming to decide something. "Hold on."

"Hold on to wha- _ah_!"

Apparently, Dongho meant his lunch.

The eldest tosses Minsoo over his shoulder in one quick motion, wrapping one arm around his waist before scooping up his bag and phone. 

"What are you doing?" Minsoo protests, trying to wiggle out of Dongho's grasp. "I need to keep practicing-"

"It's three in the morning, Minsoo-yah."

Dongho could really pull off the exasperated dad if he tried.

"I guessed you wouldn't come back to the dorm unless I made you," he simply states, and Minsoo sighs, resigning himself to Dongho's manhandling. 

"...that's really rude."

"Why are you here so late?"

"Practice," Minsoo replies, and Dongho sighs.

"You don't need more practice."

"I always need more practice."

He's facing backwards, so he can't see Dongho's expression, but he imagines it must be one of silent agreement.

"...do you really still think that?"

Oh, no, Dongho sounds upset. Abort mission!

"I mean, yeah, but also no...? Like, I know I'll probably be fine, but if I do better, then..."

 _Fuck_.

He didn't mean to say that much.

"Then what?"

"Nothing," Minsoo laughs, waving his hand dismissively. "It's nothing."

" _Minsoo-yah_."

Minsoo flinches, and Dongho sighs, sounding horribly beleaguered by Minsoo's existence. "Why won't you tell us what's going on?"

"I didn't know you cared."

It's not meant to come out like an attack, but it does so anyways.

"I mean," Minsoo continues, gesturing wildly with his hands despite knowing Dongho can't see them, "why would you? It's not- it's not like I'm the best dancer. I really only got into this competition because of my _brother_ ," no matter how much the CEO may say otherwise, "and I'm holding the whole group back, so I was thinking if I just practice more, I'll be worthy of my spot, and that's really stupid, and _wow_ , you didn't sign up to hear my entire life story, and I don't know why I can't _shut the fuck up_ , but it's three am, and I ramble when I get tired, and oh my god I am so sorry about this-"

"You sound like Jaewon-ah."

Oh.

Great?

"And for what it's worth, I don't mind hearing you talk."

That's a blatant fucking lie. Minsoo sounds like a dying frog, everyone knows it, and _why is he like this_?

"...I wish you'd talk to us more."

"How long did it take you to work up the courage to say that?"

It's mean to be a joke, but it comes out biting instead.

"...too long."

"I was joking, y'know."

"What, you can't hear me laughing?"

Somehow, trying to find a decent place to stop talking feels like being two blindfolded bulls in a china shop, each one trying not to break anything but fucking everything up anyways.

"...I wasn't."

And Minsoo-

Minsoo doesn't know how to respond to that.

* * *

Somehow, Minsoo's only vaguely surprised that they find out the truth the day Minsung finally returns his calls.

It's nearly eleven at night, and Minsoo's walking home when his phone buzzes, a notification popping on the screen. 

_minsung-hyung:_

_can you call?_

Minsoo types back a response, nerves buzzing under his skin, and he presses his phone to his ear, waiting for the call to come in.

_"...Minsoo?"_

"Hyung," he gasps, and for a moment, he feels like everything's going to be okay.

He can tell Minsung his problems, and Minsung will listen, and they can figure out a way to do this together, and it'll all be alright-

_"How could you?"_

Oh.

 _"That was my dream,"_ Minsung whispers, and Minsoo doesn't need to be there to know he's crying. _"That was my dream, and you're rubbing it in my face."_

"Hyung-"

_"Stop texting me, Minsoo. I hope you have fun as an idol or a dancer or whatever-the-fuck, because I'm not calling you again."_

There's a long moment of silence where neither one says a word.

_"...and congratulations."_

The line goes dead.

By the time he opens the door, he's a mess - tears rolling down his cheeks and snot dripping from his chin - but _god_ does he not care.

He's alone.

The one person he thought would have his back for everything just... _left him_. 

And it _hurts_.

(understatement of the millennia. it feels like someone just ripped out his heart and stomped on it with spiked boots just to hear him scream.)

"Hyung?" someone calls, and Minsoo can't meet their gaze.

( _subpar second-best subpar second-best-_ )

He heads for the bathroom and locks the door, staring at his sallow-skinned, red-eyed reflection.

"I hate you," he states, because his reflection is an idol and Minsoo _just wants his brother back_ but even if he _did_ get that back, there would be nothing left for him anywhere else. "I _hate you_."

It's no wonder Minsung left, really.

Minsoo - the less talented sibling, the one always riding on Minsung's coattails - got to the finish, and Minsung-

didn't.

It's like the story of the Chinese Zodiac, except Minsoo's the rat and Minsung's the ox.

"Minsoo-yah?"

Dongho.

Why is Dongho here?

"Minsoo-yah, open the door."

Minsoo digs his jagged nails into the porcelain of the sink and _sobs_ , harsh and broken and ragged and _god_ , he's _so fucking tired_.

He's been working so hard, but he's still not good enough for anyone.

 _God_ , the CEO all but admitted it - the only reason he's in the group is for his _personality_.

A personality which, as of late, is sorely lacking.

"Is he...?"

"I don't know. Minsoo, _open the door._ "

Minsoo stares at his reflection - limp hair, red eyes, sunken cheeks - and only one word comes to mind.

 _Pathetic_. 

"Minsoo," and that's Dongho, sounding far more terrified than he should, "please open the door. _Please_."

"Hyung," Jaewon, now, "please open the door."

"Is he... is he okay?" Daehyun, then. "Hyung?"

He's working so hard, and it all means nothing.

They don't care. 

Minsung doesn't care.

Who would care if he took a swan dive off the roof?

The fans would probably celebrate. They'd finally have the group with the talent they were meant to.

"Open the door," Dongho begs, and Minsoo sucks in a shuddering breath, falling to his knees.

He should've died out on the streets. 

It would've been better that way. 

"Minsoo-"

"I should never have accepted the audition."

The three behind the door fall silent, and Minsoo pulls his hands off the sink, winding his arms around his legs. 

"I should've just listened to my parents. Should've- should've just listened."

"...what do you mean?"

"They told me- they _told me_ I could either stay at home or do the show, and I chose the show, and _that_ went horribly. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve this spot. There are- there are so, so many dancers better than me - they should've made it in. The only reason they chose me was for my _personality_ , which doesn't make _any_ sense, 'cause I'm not funny or kind or _anything_ , really, so I don't understand what about me is so special that they'd be willing to risk it on someone as talentless as me?"

"That's not true," Jaewon whispers, and Minsoo barks a laugh. 

"Why am I in this group, then?"

"...are you going to leave?"

"I should," Minsoo whispers, gaze falling to his knees. "I shouldn't hold you guys back."

"But are you going to leave?"

"...I don't know."

* * *

It feels like what they've done was too little too late.

Minsoo talks even less and stays out even later despite Dongho's attempts to bring him home. He skips meals, even when Daehyun's the one making them, and Jaewon's every attempt to go out for coffee is rebuked with a flimsy excuse.

What can they do to reach someone who keeps pulling away?

But, as far as they know, Minsoo's still planning to debut with them. 

(dongho sure fucking hopes that's the case - not only because it'll be hell to find another main dancer capable of executing the parts like minsoo can, but also because he's somehow grown fond of the kid.)

And that-

that gives him an idea.

"Minsoo-yah."

Minsoo blinks at him, caught halfway into another move, and Dongho grabs his wrist, hoping to keep him from running away.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Is this _talk time_?" he asks, a hint of something Dongho can't quite identify to his voice.

"...no."

How did he even learn about that?

"This is the time where I tell you things I should've told you a long time ago. Now. Take a seat."

Minsoo sits.

"I want you to debut with us," Dongho states sans preamble. 

Minsoo stares at him like he's grown a second head.

"...what?"

"I want you to debut with us," Dongho continues, "and I want to fix my mistakes."

"It's not- it's not _you_ , it's-"

"It's not you, either," Dongho cuts in, and Minsoo frowns. 

"But-"

" _We_ were the ones who ignored you to the point of fainting," and Dongho's _still_ not completely over that. " _We_ were the ones who were insenitive. Not you."

"I've been ignoring you," Minsoo points out, and Dongho stares at him as if to say _yeah, so what_?

"Then at the very least, we've broken even. Now, can you listen to what I have to say?"

"Okay, dad," Minsoo snarks, and Dongho glares at him.

"Brat. But... I wanted to tell you some other things, too."

"Hm?"

"You're an important part to this team."

Minsoo squirms, evidently disliking the direction of this conversation. "What're you saying?"

"You're a great dancer."

"What is this?"

"We _will not be as good without you_."

"You'd be better with another dancer, though."

"I don't believe that."

"What is this?"

"The _truth_."

Dongho places his hands on the dancer's shoulders, and Minsoo shivers, eyes widening as he meets Dongho's gaze.

"Debut with us. _Please_."

And, well-

Minsoo's never been able to say no to Dongho.

"...you'll regret this."

"I don't think I will."

* * *

It's a slow process convincing Minsoo to spread his things through the dorms.

It's expedited somewhat by Daehyun stealing his things and hiding them in strange places, but still slow.

The first thing to go up is his small collection of video-game figurines (which daehyun adores to the point of buying him fifteen more before jaewon makes him stop) and after that, a few pictures from home.

After that-

it's slow enough that Dongho doesn't even notice it.

He only realizes it when Minsoo curls up on his bed after their debut, a few stuffed animals strewn about and laptop charger coiled on the floor, the device it belongs to sitting mere inches out of reach.

Linear progress is a myth, Dongho reflects, plugging in Minsoo's laptop and placing it on his desk, but progress isn't.

And things _have been_ getting better.

Dongho's learned that Minsoo loves video games - especially _Overwatch_ and _Dance Dance Revolution_. He's learned that Minsoo loves yogurt soju and hates anything bitter. He's learned that Minsoo loves dogs and hates waking up early.

And, most importantly-

he's learned that he loves Minsoo's smile.

"Good work today," Minsoo mumbles into his pillow, and Dongho nods, ruffling his hair before heading back to his bed.

"...yeah, Soo-yah. You did well."

He doesn't need to look to know Minsoo's smiling, and that-

that's the second-best part of this day.

(maybe even the best. dongho doesn't like ranking things.)

"...thanks for convincing me to stay."

"I'm glad you did," Dongho murmurs, and he _does_ turn this time, meeting Minsoo's blinding grin with a soft smile of his own. "Thank you."

"...you too, hyung."

**Author's Note:**

> SHC CEO FOR THE WIN!!!
> 
> he's the ceo of marshmell-o's company, for anyone curious :D
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


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